


Don't let me be gone

by emmisaysmufasa



Category: Skins (UK)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 15:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6664387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmisaysmufasa/pseuds/emmisaysmufasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Skins Fire, Emily's POV after Naomi's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't let me be gone

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the characters of Skins, this is completely made from my imagination, and I did not create these characters.

Dust to dust. Ashes to fucking ashes.   
It was a cold day that Emily Fitch stood at the grave of Naomi Campbell. Not for the first time, and surely not for the last. It had been two months since Naomi died, yet Emily still felt her arms around her every night, her breath on her neck. She still felt her hands in her own, she could still feel her kiss. Unfortunately, she could still be shaken out of her fantasy that Naomi was there, realising again that Naomi was dead, dead, dead, she was living and breathing and now she wasn't and Emily didn't know how to cope with that... except the booze.   
She'd always been a drinker, but now it was different. Instead of drinking because it was fun, because it was cool, she drunk to forget, to imagine Naomi there with her. She knew she was losing her mind, and she knew she couldn't do anything about it.   
Footsteps. Naomi? She turned, in a drunken haze, but it wasn't Naomi, it wasn't and it never could be again, and Emily nearly collapsed in sobs as Effy held her tight, whispering fiercely that she would be okay. Not that she was okay, which Emily appreciated. She wasn't okay. She knew that, even when her mind was half drowned by alcohol. It was all she knew now, that Naomi was gone, her Naomi, with her hair that was blonde, then brown, then gone, to be followed by Naomi herself, with her sarcasm and that look she gave Emily when they kissed. The look that said, "I'm drowning and I need you to catch me."  
Well, she had. And now Emily was drowning, and Naomi wasn't doing shit to catch her. She didn't even tell Emily about the cancer until it was soon to be over. She promised she'd never hurt her again. And she had. Emily pushed Effy off, and screamed. She screamed until her lungs felt like they would burst, like her heart already had, she screamed until her throat was raw. She screamed at Naomi, fucking Naomi, who had made her fall in love with her then left her, who had shown her everything good in the world then taken it. Effy stood back as Emily screamed, then, when it was over, she held her again, and helped her into her car. Emily fell asleep on the way home.

When she woke the next morning, she was in Effy's flat. She was alone. She was so alone, yet haunted by Naomi, constantly. All that even played in her mind was her kissing Naomi, over and over and over, on repeat, the night in the forest, Naomi saying she loved her, Emily feeling it back.  
"I'd die for you."  
"I didn't want to become a slave to the way I feel about you."  
"I love you."  
"I love you, you know...... yeah, but don't forget it though."  
"I love you."  
"I can't stand it, I can't."  
Every word, every silence, every night they spent together. Then another memory.  
"Emily. I need you to promise me that you- that you won't lose yourself when it happens."  
That was when they finally started admitting that it was going to happen.  
"I love you."  
"I love you."  
"I LOVE YOU."  
Emily went into the bathroom. She found the pills. And she decided to go.  
Not long after, Effy walked in and screamed. 

Five months after Emily's suicide attempt, she and Katie sat on the floor in Katie's flat.   
"You fucking scared us to death, Em."  
"I know."  
"If Effy hadn't found you-"  
"I know."  
"Em, you need to stop this. The drinking, the withdrawing. She's gone, Em. And you need to try to move on. Okay?"  
Emily looked up at Katie, who for years had been horrible to her, about her, about her and Naomi. At her sister, who knew her better than anyone, except for Effy and Naomi. Naomi. The name still hurt her more than anything ever could. It probably always would. Naomi was her soul mate, the love of her life. How could she ever move on?  
"Em, at least let me take you to a counselor."  
Emily looked back up at Katie, and saw pain. So, so, so much pain.   
The kind of pain Naomi would be in right now if she saw Emily. The realisation hit her like a baseball bat. Offing herself wasn't the answer, she could see now, maybe she was too pissed out of her mind to understand that. She could still love Naomi and still be happy. So taking a deep breath, feeling like she was inhaling the weight of the world, she said, "Okay."

Em Harrison  
26 April 2016


End file.
